Just A Thought

I was reading a blog, Angry Black Bitch (http://angryblackbitch.blogspot.com/), that a friend emailed to me. BTW, it instantly became one of my daily must-reads. And it occurred to me, that blogging could be a forum for me. A cathartic release of word. Which is something I haven't done in far too long. Writing for myself was something I had to do when I was in school just to keep myself sane. And after school, I got caught up in the trivialities of working a lame-ass job and trying to take care of myself. I got caught up in surviving, but not really living.

This past year, when I turned 25, I was so scared. For reasons I didn't understand until now. I haven't done anything since high school. My main accomplishments in 6 years have been buying my car (slowly, 1 year to go :D), moving out of my parents' home, and knowing myself a little better. I've been so scared of how little I've done with my life and how to change it for 9 months now. But with the death of a close relative, I've realized how precious life is and how I have to try my best not to fuck it up. To actually LIVE my life. So, when I'm in that bed, lying there dying, I'll know that my life actually meant something.

I've always been able to lie to myself (we'll do it later, I'll get it done) but I've never been able to lie in my writing. If I write it, I need to be able to justify it. Must be too much time writing for newspapers. Yes, I still have morals, just no motivation. :) So, this is my forum to express myself and learn more about me through word. And for others to learn about me, if they care to. But this time, I'm doing me.